


Sentimental Journey

by Sairyn



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Getting Together, M/M, Marvey Fic Challenges, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 18:33:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6388027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sairyn/pseuds/Sairyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donna walks in to see Harvey having a bad day. Usually when this happens she stands guard and waits it out- today Mike Ross intervenes. Through music we see Harvey's journey</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sentimental Journey

**Author's Note:**

> Just a side note, while I was writing this my father in law passed. It got me thinking about my own dad who I still miss terribly. This was his music. And I have wonderful memories of listening to it with him.  
> Okay- besides that- hope you enjoy. for Marveyficchallenge April fools. Find me on tumblr @sairyn-noc

                                                                

Donna exits the elevator with smile. Spring is right around the corner and it’s been two weeks since anything catastrophic has happened. Of course that’s when she, the universe, decides to step in and say April Fools. As she rounds the corner, she is surprised to see the lights on in Harvey’s office. Though it’s not common for Harvey to come in this early, it's not totally unheard of. But it's the music that tells the story. She slows her steps, all the while attempting to hear what is playing in Harvey’s office. As she makes out the sad notes of John Coltrane’s version of a ‘[ In a Sentimental Mood ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r594pxUjcz4)’, she knows her day is fucked- hell, for all she knows her whole week could be fucked. Every so often Donna experiences another side of Harvey- the one trapped in the past. Sure she has watched as he has built walls around every emotion, and every feeling; measuring and parsing them out in small doses when he absolutely has too. But there are also times when she has seen him falter; when holding it all in becomes too much even for the great Harvey Specter. On those days, when he is engulfed by all his pent up feelings, he turns into this; cold distant and secretly hurting so much it silences him. She looks up to see the man sitting in his desk chair facing the window, a glass of scotch in hand, the bottle sitting half-mast on the desk. To most it would appear as if Harvey was gazing out the window, maybe lost in thought. But she knows better. Harvey is looking at a memory; several in fact.

The first time she saw Harvey like this was several years ago, just before he left the DA’s office. She remembers it like it was yesterday. Her phone ringing in the middle of the night; Harvey drunk off his ass slurring into the phone and Ray Charles’ ‘[ A Fool for You ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVItMNDFiHE)’- blasting in the background on a permanent loop.

 ♫ I know you told me

   You didn't want me 'round

   Yeah, and I know

   You got a man way 'cross town ♫

For two hours he rambled on. It started off easy; mostly about how he felt duped and stupid for not seeing the truth about his boss. But that was just the beginning. Emboldened by alcohol, Harvey went deeper; sharing intimate details of his personal life. How he had just left his lover who was seeing someone else. Which somehow morphed into a story about how his mom had cheated and how he was the one that caught her. He even went so far to tell Donna in a righteous tone, that he was the one that spilled the secret to his dad thinking it made him brave to do so. But after a few moments of silence, which had Donna wondering if the man had fallen over, he came back on the line, his voice cracking on every word, when he told her he knows telling that secret was the reason his family fell apart. Donna could hear the pain and guilt in his voice as she imagined him looking back. She figured the parallels between the two episodes is what brought this “event” on. When Harvey finally fell asleep or passed out – whichever came first, Donna was relieved. She didn't know what to expect after that. But not surprisingly everything was back to “normal” the next Monday. They never talked about it, not even after the brand new pair of Jimmy Choo’s arrived on her doorstep.

The second time, she found him “off”, she had come back to the office late one Friday to grab something for her latest brilliant plan – which is code for she forgot something, and was surprised to see him sitting in the dark. She remembered before she left that he flippantly told he had a date- a rare event since he had just recently broken up with Scottie. But there he was in the same position, same drink, only with a different song playing in the background. It wasn't often she found her boss in his office listening to the [ King ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XVdtX7uSnk).

♫ Are you lonesome tonight?

Do you miss me tonight?

Are you sorry we drifted apart?

Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day

When I kissed you and called you sweetheart? ♫

Something inside of her broke seeing him this way. She couldn’t stand it, decided she wouldn’t stand for it and went in guns blazing to intervene. She tried talking to him and was met with silence. She tried joking with him, still no response. Then she got serious, and decided to try a more hands on tactic. She took away his bottle and turned off his music. Well yea, that got a response. When his eyes turned towards her, she saw them change from unfocused and glazed to focused and furious. He started to yell and curse. In his rage he destroyed his office, sent papers flying, and shattered every glass and bottle spilling their contents. He told her to “leave him here”, that he “didn’t want to go home, not like this. And that if she couldn’t handle it, handle him like this, then she had no business working for him”. She shivers at the memory. Just like the first time when she arrived the following Monday morning, Harvey’s office looked as pristine as ever, like nothing ever happened. On her desk was a note with two words- ‘I’m sorry’ next to a new Hermès purse. That time though, they did talk about it and it became their little secret.

Since then, his episodes have been less verbal and shitfaced, more silent brooding. There usually is a trigger or some type of event that sends Harvey down this path. But after searching through her mental database for something to have brought this on, she comes up empty. Donna hates these moments when she feels powerless to do anything else but stand guard and keep the world at bay while he finds his way back. But now after all these years, they have a routine. Donna is the only person he trusts to see him like this, to protect the man and the image. She screens all of his calls, keeps out anyone and everyone, sans Jessica and even then she gives her fair warning as to his mood. If she had to choose, she guesses having a mental off day here at work where she can keep an eye on him is better than him being alone at home. After a quick mental pep talk “ _You know what this is, you know how to handle it- deep breath. You’ve got this; you’re Donna_ ”, she steps confidently to her desk and starts rearranging the day.

So lost in her own mental conversation she doesn’t hear the approaching footsteps. “Hey Donna.” She actually feels herself jump; a bit startled.

Of course Mike notices. “You okay?” he asks. “That was very un-Donna like.” He jokes.

 _Must re-establish dominance_ she thinks silently. She cuts him a glare that makes his pupils dilate before answering. _Mission accomplished._ “One must never doubt the Donna” she states simply. “Now, what do you want?”

“I need to see boss man, I have the fi…”

“No” she says before he can finish his sentence.

“Donna, he’s expecting…”

“No” she answers again, not looking up from her computer.

She hears him take a slow deep breath. “You do know I can see him right?” Mike tries again, his voice this side of whining. “He doesn’t look busy. And I promise I will only be in there for like two minutes max.”

Donna groans internally. She should have known that the puppy wouldn’t go away so easy. It’s like Mike walks around here with blinders half the time; all kinetic energy, no focus. She briefly thinks about sending him in there, but that would be like feeding red meat to a wolf and even she isn’t that cruel. Well not always. Sometimes. Only when necessary or if she’s in that frame of mind. Donna hears Harvey's dad’s cover of Miles Davis’  ‘[Yesterday's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpzwuXn9bog)’  start to play next and resigns now is a good time to grab her morning coffee. She looks up to see that Mike is still standing at her desk with an expectant look on his face.

“You’re still here. Let’s go get a cup of coffee.”

“Why?” he questions, running his free hand not holding the file through his hair.

“Because I want it.” She answers standing up and walking around her desk, grabbing Mike’s arm in the process. They walk to the break room, far enough away, but still close enough to keep an eye on Harvey. It’s not like the man has moved any, but still. She quickly pours herself a cup, ignoring the silent pleas coming from the man beside her and slowly starts walking back towards her desk.

Mike pulls on her arm, stopping their stroll, obviously frustrated. “Donna, what is going on? You can tell me you know. I can tell you are keeping me out of Harvey’s office. What happened?”

“Look,” she says, making sure her voice is low. “I know you haven’t seen this side of Harvey before; not many have. But that man in there is going through something right now. So let it go for the moment. Okay?” She tells him, her eyes piercing his. She waits for Mike to answer, to acknowledge the seriousness of her words.

“I will let it go if you answer something for me.” he counters. “Is this about Scottie?” Donna’s shock must register on her face, because before she can answer he is speaking again. “Right. So not about Scottie.” He exhales loudly like he was holding his breath. He starts to walk away, but changes his mind. Mike turns back to face her. “What can I do?” He asks.

“Just let him be. Some days we all have to deal with the demons from our pasts.” She soothes. Mike nods at her, resigned and hands her the file he was coming to deliver. She watches as he heads back towards his cubicle, but not before pausing a moment to gaze into Harvey’s office. She can just make out ‘[ Stormy Weather ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VE5_fDmPt0w)’, the tune currently playing and the voice of Etta James.

♫Oh yeah, life is bad

Gloom and misery everywhere

Stormy weather, stormy weather

And I just can’t get my poor self together

Oh, I'm weary all of the time ♫

Donna closes her eyes wishing she had something other than coffee. With a mental shrug she goes back to her desk and continues to stand watch. Outside of rearranging a few meetings, and threatening everyone who dared to cross Harvey’s threshold, the day was going along fine. Meanwhile, the man inside the office rarely moved. Unless you count the times he got up to go to the restroom or changed the music. By noon, she had heard jazz and blues from almost every era since its inception. Currently Harvey and Donna, via intercom, were listening to Frank Sinatra- ‘[ One For my Baby ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkwdkUXQ1yo) ’. No one can say that the man didn’t have great taste in music. She peeks in to see how much of the bottle remains. She smiles when she sees it is still nearly half full, which means he hasn’t had more than a glass, maybe a glass and a half since her arrival.  She orders lunch to be delivered and goes to grab a few things from another office. By the time she returns, she is shocked to see Mike standing inside Harvey’s office. _Dammit_ . Her first instinct is to run in and get him, but immediately decides against it. _Besides, it’s not as if he will get anywhere. I mean outside of possibly some colorfully yelled slurs- but hey, his funeral_ she tells herself. She turns up the intercom so she can see and hear clearly the beat down that awaits the naive child.

“Harvey” Mike calls out. As Donna predicts, there is no response. She watches as Mike waits a beat or two before starting again. Donna swears she can actually see Mike stand up a little straighter as if strengthening his resolve; his hands opening and closing instinctively. She smirks to herself.

“Harvey,” Mike tries again, his voice softer. “I know what it is like. To stare into your past and only see the demons.” He says next. Donna sees Harvey flinch. She can’t tell if Mike noticed, but he is continuing anyway. “There are days it hurts to take a fucking breath.”

“Get out.” Comes Harvey’s voice tired and with a bit of a rattle.

“No.” Mike answers, his voice calm, sure. He walks closer to the desk; closer to the man. “There are moments I never want to forget and at the same time wish I could if it meant that I wouldn’t feel that pain; that it wouldn’t hurt anymore.”

“Get. Out.” Harvey repeats, his voice a little louder. He turns his chair around facing Mike. Donna can see he that Harvey looks exhausted, his shirt is wrinkled and the large bags under his eyes makes her question if he even went home last night. Once again she debates whether or not she should intervene. But since so far nothing is screaming ‘save me’ at her, so she decides against it and continues to watch the scene play out in front of her.

“No. I am not leaving you. Not this moment, not today, not…”

“I don’t need you.” Harvey interrupts glaring at Mike.

“I don’t give a shit!” Mike yells. “I lost my entire family Harvey. So whatever you’re going through, I get it. Whatever you need, I am right here and I am not going anywhere.” Donna can just imagine how Mike must look, standing in front of Harvey, his mentor, his savior, trying to pull him back from whatever hell he finds himself in when these moods hit. Mike’s hand moves towards his face. Probably pinching his nose with his fingers, Donna surmises. A habit Mike does when he is stressed. “So we can do this here or we can go somewhere- wherever you want.”

“Leave Mike. Please.” The last word comes out broken and Harvey drops his face into his hands. Donna gasps, quickly covering her mouth hoping she wasn’t heard. She watches enthralled as Mike walks around and sit on the edge of Harvey’s desk- a definite no-no on a good day but today, who knows how Harvey will deal with it. At that moment, the delivery man arrives with her ordered lunch much to her annoyance. She practically throws the money at him in an attempt to get him to hurry along so she can get back to the soap opera going on in front of her. She hears rustling coming over the intercom and quickly turns her head to see that Harvey is now standing at the window, Mike beside him. _Shit!_ _When did that happen?_ She swears, in that moment she will never order lunch from whatever sorry place she did today again! Angry at being distracted, she places all the phone lines on hold just in case some idiot decides now is a good time to call. Once assured she will have no more unwarranted interruptions, she turns back to the office to wait. She doesn’t know how long they are all frozen in place; Mike and Harvey at the window and her at her desk watching. But it seems like an eternity.

“You’re really not going to leave are you?” Harvey asks, turning towards Mike.

“Nope.” He answers smiling. Harvey reaches out to touch Mike’s shoulder, causing Mike to also turn. “I even brought you something; though you might not want to hear it” he says biting his lips. Mike pulls out his iPod from his suit pocket, fumbling with the dial until he finds what he is looking for. He starts to hand it over, then stops briefly as if he’s unsure. Mike looks back up into Harvey’s eyes before speaking. “You can look back all day for as long as you like. But the truth of the matter is there is no point; you aren’t going that way. Remember the past, but keep moving forward.”

 _Well done rookie_ , Donna thinks beaming with pride. Mike hands over the small device and the accompanying ear buds. Dam, what she wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall inside. Harvey frowns briefly but puts the earpieces in and hits play. After a minute Harvey cracks a smile; and a slight chuckle escapes from between his lips. He pulls out the earbuds, placing them and the iPod on his desk.

“Seriously, this? What you trying to say Mike?” Harvey asks his eyes a little brighter.

“What? Who doesn’t like Gladys Knight and the Pips.” Mike smirks.

“Don’t play dumb with me. That’s not what I was asking, and you know it.”

Mike looks down then, and sticks his hands in his pockets. “Maybe. That depends.” He mumbles so low, that Donna can barely make out the words. _Why did I drop out of lip reading class_ she scolds.

“Depends on what?” Harvey pushes.

Mike catches Harvey’s gaze once again showing confidence. “On you.”

Silence. Donna is holding her breath, waiting. For what- she has no clue. One heartbeat…two…ten…twenty. Finally, the dam bursts. “Let’s get out of here.” Harvey says softly, a small smile on his lips.

“Okay.” Mike answers.

“Donna, Mike and I are taking the rest of the day. Take care of anything that comes up.” He states fully aware that Donna is listening via intercom. She briefly thinks of pretending she didn't hear him. I mean she would like to think she is the kind of person who wouldn't dare eavesdrop, but quickly discards the notion. Besides, no one would believe her. Harvey grabs his coat and the two of them start walking towards her. She notices that Harvey looks ten times better than he did when Mike first walked in and Mike, well Mike looks like he has just run a marathon- he is trying to catch his breath and his pupils are dilated. Just what the hell happened in there she wonders? What did she miss? When the elevator doors close, Donna takes the forgotten lunch, and leaves it on the break room table. She knows sooner or later someone will eat it. People will eat anything not nailed down, unless it has the name of some of the partners- or hers of course. Now with time on her hands, she is thinking of trying the new bistro Rachel was going on about last week. On her way back to grab her purse, she spies the forgotten iPod on Harvey’s desk. Curiosity was always her best friend so she walks in and picks it up. She gingerly places one of the ear buds close to her ear and hits play.

♫…life is so crazy and love is unkind

Because she came first, darling, will she hang on your mind?

You're a part of me and you don't even know it

I'm what you need but I'm too afraid to show it…♫

Once she recognizes the familiar tune she can’t help but laugh out loud. [‘If I Were Your Woman’](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74uktZ63qo4)? _Well, well, well, things just got a little more interesting_ _around here,_ she thinks to herself. She drops the player back on the desk and leaves the office, closing the door. Time to look forward indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
